Where was God in the hardest moment of my life?
One afternoon of a leadership seminar I was attending was dedicated to prayer. On this particular afternoon they had various prayer stations set up around the property. Each station was prayer for a specific topic. I wasn’t sure which station I wanted to go to until they said one of the stations was going to be a celebration of “Milestones”. Basically they were going to celebrate and pray over you something significant in your life you felt like you had missed out on - birthday, anniversary, graduation etc.
Instantly I felt to go and celebrate my son Mateo's birth. For me the moment he was born, was something I always felt I had missed out on. I didn't have that moment where they show you your baby and place them on your chest and you get to rejoice. Because I was unconscious. To give you some context, I was in labor for 19.5 hours before being taken into an emergency c-section. I remember them saying it's a boy, after that its just darkness. I remember nothing. Following the c-section I was rushed to a secondary surgery where they did embolization to try to stop the hemorrhaging. Meanwhile Mateo had been taken to NICU because both he and I had developed fevers during delivery. I met Mateo for the first time when he was about 36 hours old. Everything about my delivery saddens me, all the details of the day I rely on my husband to tell me and the photos he took.
So back to the leadership seminar - I went and I celebrated the moment Mateo was born. One of the leaders was praying over me (she knew nothing of Mateos birth story) and she got a picture of Mateo in a room crazy busy with doctors and nurses running about shouting orders. But in her vision Mateo was being held by Jesus and receiving the first “you are wanted” and “we have waited for you” and “you are dearly loved” moments that a newborn would generally receive from his parents, Mateo received from God. She also saw that they were surrounded by a fog or a bubble and not aware of the drama that was happening around them - in regards to what was happening with me. That Jesus was just holding him, imparting to him, and all was calm.
I can not describe the peace that vision has brought to me. Where was God in my hardest moment? He was there, loving, comforting, imparting to my newborn son. Right where I would have wanted him to be.
Mateo right after he was born, perfectly displaying being at peace in the arms of our Father.