Have you ever second guess you're calling? I know I have. Understanding our calling can be confusing at times. If you’re anything like me, you might even find yourself frustrated from time to time. Figuring out that God was calling me into missions was a long, tear- filled process.
Nearly three years ago, I sat on the floor of my best friend and former-roommate’s apartment and contemplated applying to do a Discipleship Training School (DTS). I had just dropped out of the university classes I had been taking mid-semester because I couldn’t muster the energy to pursue something simply for the sake of having a college degree. I had no idea what I wanted to do let alone what I felt like I was supposed to do... or as the christian community says, what I was called to do. The good thing is that God knew what I was put on this earth for, and he really wanted me to know what it was.
The same is true for YOU. God doesn’t withhold our calling from us. We can know what it is, and we can know it NOW! So why do we second guess what he is calling us to? Why is it so hard to figure it out?
Well, one reason is if we are believing lies about ourselves. It’s nearly impossible for us to step into our calling if we are believing lies about our identities and our abilities.
God was calling me into missions long before I believed that I could ever be a missionary. Five years ago I would have called you crazy if you told me I would become a missionary, because I simply didn’t think I was capable. The biggest obstacle I faced in understanding my calling was that I was believing lies like:
You’re not smart enough.
You’re not old enough.
You’re not talented enough.
God was trying to tell me what he created me for and I was like, “Whoa, hold up. Don’t you know that I can’t do that?”
I was acting like Moses when God called him to free the Israelites from Egypt. Moses is literally in God’s presence. God is right there in the form of a burning bush and he’s talking AUDIBLY to Moses. God not only reveals himself to Moses, but he also clearly reveals Moses’ calling to him.
How much clearer can God get? He laid everything out for Moses, but Moses basically told him he couldn’t be the one to fulfill that calling. He asked God to send someone else. He thought that the way he spoke disqualified him. Moses second guess his calling.
“Oh my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.”
God responds to Moses by saying,
“Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the
Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”
Moses didn’t really fully understand who he was created to be. He hesitated because he is believed the lie that he wasn’t the right person for the job, but God told him that he is the one who created him that way. Moses’s stutter wasn’t a problem to God. God told him that he would be with him and help him.
Hmmm....maybe God calls us not because we are perfect for the job, but because he has a purpose for our lives and he wants to work in our weaknesses?
Moses’s conversation with God sounds a lot like conversations I’ve had with God. When God first called me into missions, I had excuses too. I was scared that I wouldn’t be a good missionary. So, I didn’t really pursue it at first. I doubted my abilities because I didn’t know my identity. Like Moses, I thought that I was flawed. But that was not how God viewed Moses and it’s not how he viewed me.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10
That is what God says about us. We are his masterpiece! We may see defects, but God created each one of us in a very specific way for a very specific purpose.
God also wanted me to understand that I need him to live out my calling. I am capable of fulfilling the calling he has for my life, not because I am the most talented person ever, but because he will teach me how to live out my calling. He wants to show his power through my weakness, just like he did with Moses.
Looking back on the process of considering to go to DTS, I realize that I could have saved myself a lot of worry and anxiety if I had understood my identity, and believed that he would teach me how to live out my calling. DTS was just the beginning of the training process. God is still taking me on a journey of learning and growing. He is teaching me how to live out my calling more and more each day.
The same is true for you. You can know exactly who you are and what you were put on this earth to do. God is eagerly waiting to reveal it to you, but make sure that you aren’t believing lies about who you are and what you are capable of. You can know your calling! God wants to take you on a journey and teach you how to live it out. God doesn't want you to second guess you're calling.
(You can read the whole story of God calling Moses in Exodus chapters 3 & 4)